So you asked him to be your boyfriend or you told him that you liked him, and based on all the signs you expected he felt the same way that you did, but sadly he didn’t. Turns out he thought you were “just friends” and now he has more or less thrown you into the friend-zone; or even worse, stopped talking to you completely.  Now you don’t know what to do but bury yourself in ice cream (or whatever other comfort food you have going for you) ask yourself questions that have no answers like why would you lead me on? Or why would you flirt with me? Didn’t you see I was falling for you in the first place?

Photography by Gibel Photography

See, a guy is used to being in-charge. Whereas they make it look like life is pretty simple and happy-go-lucky like he doesn’t stress out, he has most of the time stressed out already to create the different moods. See dudes are used to hitting on girls, put him in the opposite situation where you are hitting on him, and he has no clue what to do. In most cases he will run and hide. Suggestion here: do some inception, (with wisdom) send your girlfriends, or his boys to investigate whether he is into you or not. Have them make him believe that he is into you. Then, he will be the one to ask you out.

A cunning lady friend of mine, let’s call her Cindy, fell for a guy, let’s call him Greg, first time she met him. She didn’t know what to do to get him to notice her. Her plan? The power of suggestion. She got his friends to give her his favourite hangout spots and whenever he was going out, she would “happen to be there” as well, they would exchange the occasional “Hi” and “oh so you come her too!” talk when they would bump into each other.

Cindy was always decked out in her best eye-catching attire, had a couple of girlfriends (wing-men) and they had a great time clubbing in the same place that Greg was. One day she was with her friends at the bar, she got up and walked right past Greg and went to sit alone not more than two meters from him. He now had the choice to walk up to her and talk to her, or ignore her. Greg chose well and walked up to her. They are now 12 years married with 3 daughters.

Make effort to grab his attention. Men will notice something nice from a glance, not details like a new hairpin, but a nice hairdo he will notice. Cindy dressed up as though she was going on a proper date. Greg noticed. For you it could be learning his favourite sport or playing dress up and putting on make-up. Keep in mind that there are so many girls around him, what will make you stand out? Men love trophies, and he can only show off what he likes e.g. his car, guitar, rugby ball from high school, etc. how far would you go to become a “trophy”?

Lady folk suffer from one great weakness. Please don’t make him feel like one of your girlfriends. Guys don’t do gossip cop and don’t size up another man or woman’s clothing. And don’t try to change him either. Guys love playing when having some downtime. This could be gym, a sport, a video game etc. find out his hobbies and see whether this fits your bill.

One last thing, if he turns you down, he probably knew from the moment he met you that you weren’t the one hence he didn’t make a move so don’t feel so bad. Society dictates that he has to make a move and he has probably been turned down or will be turned down severally.


11 thoughts on “So you want him to be your boyfriend?

  1. I completely disagree with this….it perpetuates misogyny.That the man is ALWAYS is control and women should NEVER attempt to disrupt the status quo. Also, as a very personal individual,getting friends to meddle in what is supposed to be my private life is a no no. How about I just like you and that’s that.You like me back or not.We move on happily…

    1. I dont refute any of your thoughts. The other side of the coin is, nobody says anything and thats that… herein lies the pain that most girls suffer from when they cant bring themselves to tell him (in his love language) that she likes him. Thanks for taking time to read Daidey… I appreciate your comment.

  2. I disagree with this on so many levels. First, the suggestion that women should ‘catch a man’ through manipulation and borderline stalking is so wrong, women who exhibit these characteristics are generally very insecure, and that relationship, if it happens, won’t end well. Secondly, the portrayal of women as trophies only seen for their nice clothes and ‘made up’ faces is straight up insulting, I wouldn’t want a guy who thinks like that. If he likes you, he’ll come after you, if he doesn’t, move on.

    1. 1. You say manipulation, I say Inception, all in all it is the woman playing the role that society dictated for many years was of the man… she likes him, how else is she meant to tell him without scaring him off? wont this be one of them?
      2. Trophies? yes, its completely distasteful to a woman’s point of view and I agree, utterly unacceptable in her thinking, but here is how a man thinks. Men love to show off, a man wants to be proud of his woman, or even the woman chasing him. Make it easier? maybe. Will it work? maybe, maybe not…
      3. I appreciate your disagreement, mine is merely an opinion. Not gospel truth. Consider what men go through when they are “chasing” after women. He is expected to be many things and to do most of them right. These things are not considered manly, if he fails he doesn’t get the girl. After considering these things, then it may be time to see what can you do when trying to ‘catch a man’ that is outside of your comfort zone.
      Thanks for taking time to read this and comment Bliss, I appreciate your point of view.

  3. Reblogged this on Mackel9's Blog and commented:
    I read this post and as I share it, I have this feeling of deja vu, if you decide to get a fishing pole, bait a carrot and hold it infront of the mule, when the mule (man in this case) starts heading the direction you wanted him, you better be ready to go all the way and give the carrot (let him be your man, not what you might be thinking) don’t be doing it for fun (toying with people’s feelings)… like Sam says “One last thing, if he turns you down, he probably knew from the moment he met you that you weren’t the one hence he didn’t make a move so don’t feel so bad. Society dictates that he has to make a move and he has probably been turned down or will be turned down severally.”

  4. This post should have more than 500 likes and should be shared across all cultures. it’s simple straight to the point 🙂 totally i hope there will be “so you want her to be your girlfriend.”

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