The other day I was running my week two dare, unexpected acts kindness, I decided to pick a random day and cook dinner. (Gents, TIP: this is a real winner; the rewards far outweigh the effort. Those who are following me on Facebook saw my update).
I was running late on this day, lots of work to complete and I figured let me cook. Surprisingly she had had a full day too. I got home and told her, to put her feet up, and that I would cook. I proceeded to do dinner for the night, cleaned up the kitchen, washed our little baby and put him to sleep after feeding him and then came and plopped on the sofa. TIRED.
She gave me that look that Lois Lane gives Superman after a flight, “You’re my hero” was written all over her face. I could let the tiredness that I had been holding back out. I had carried work home. This was one of the things we talked about before getting married. We were not going to do. But I had a feeling that my good deed could barter for some extra hours at the dining table to work.
Just as I prepared to bring it into the conversation, I saw that look that most men don’t like seeing. You know that look that says “Babe, I realize you’re tired and I know you really want to rest, in fact you have done me proud, but could you do me one more thing, I know you don’t like it, but I really need this favor”. I pretended that I didn’t see it, and I proceeded to put forward my case of how I needed to do some work, and I even talked about how I’m glad she got to rest while I cooked. It didn’t work. She interjected and asked for her favor. Now usually at this point I would say “no, I’m tired can I do it tomorrow” or I do a shoddy job to indicate that I am really tired.
I remembered kindness. For a moment, in my heart, I had a grudge against that book, because now I had to do it. I had to do the favor with a smile on my face. I did it.
See, we are born with a selfish DNA from conception, all those little sperm competing for the egg, you win and you want to be the only one at the egg. Incise you are more than one, and then you will fight to come out one at a time, sibling rivalry. Then with the neighbours kids the competition of “mine” and “my daddy is stronger than your daddy” and the story goes on. We get to dating and marriage, it is all about the other person, and we have to break the norm.
For a moment I wished this was week one. It would have made the last two weeks, especially easier. The lesson I learnt that night, is this week’s lesson too. Love is not selfish. It is all about your spouse. Love does not care whether you feel like it or not, Love demands that you care for your spouse as you would for yourself. This means as a man, I must stop putting my selfish ambitions before my wife/family. It also means women need to kill a skill they have of complaining about how he is so this, that and the other… all these are selfish acts. Among many other selfish acts, we now need to re-learn this aspect of love.
THIS WEEK’S DARE: well, now that we have been patient and kind with our spouse for the last two weeks, let’s keep it going. So, aside from holding your tongue when angry and doing random acts of kindness, this week, intentionally buy your spouse a gift. A meaningful gift. Observe what happens, not just with you but also with the behavior of your spouse and journal it. Have a wonderful week ahead.
- A selfless kind of love (samkitots.wordpress.com)
- A key pillar to discovering what love is (samkitots.wordpress.com)
- Love Dare, re-discovering love, an introduction (samkitots.wordpress.com)