Ok, so he/she is The One! (Like as if, if you break up you will never find another The One! #justsaying). So you are now sure about the status of your relationship, FB statuses have been updated, relatives are in the know, it’s now a year plus and questions are being asked about the wedding date. There’s a joke I saw recently that talks about peculiar things that Kenyans do; It said ‘Only Kenyan couples are engaged for more than 5 years’. It was funny but if you really think about it, this holds true. Someone recently told me that if a couple dates for more than 5 years, they are not likely to settle down. It means that one or both of them feels that there’s something fundamental missing. I tried my best to give reasons why people might date for more than 5 years, eg. Dating through college, maybe parents are against it, etc. But my friend was categorical. He said, eg. like in my second point, it is unlikely that parents can be against the marriage for many years if the couple really wants to be together. If one of the parties is buckling, it boils down to doubts. After all this time if you still have doubts then don’t waste each other’s time. The fear of being alone is crippling, but you’ll be surprised by what the rest of the world has to offer.
I have increasingly noted that due to an abundance of choices, men and women these days still want to look around and ‘keep their options open’. Of course, this is subjective and everyone has their prerogative. For me, I think it wastes a lot of time, produces a lot more broken hearts, increases the chances of unwanted pregnancies and even the spread of STDs and AIDS. The more you date different people, the more the chances of some or all of the above happening. And who knows, you might still not find that perfect person and end up alone or end up settling for far less than you had been offered before.
waiting for the perfect man
My personal opinion is that if you have found someone that loves you and that you love back with more or less the same intensity, why not settle down and save yourselves rent, fuel, food, water and … for those remaining celibate, unnecessarily prolonged torture. 😉 Tie The Knot. Ala!! If you’ve been together that long, it means that there must be something you love about this person that is worth having spent this amount of time with them. The truth is, no one is perfect. I have discovered this the hard way. I’m not perfect, far from it (ok, maybe not so far). But I’ve had to ask myself hard questions like why should I expect the person I will marry to be perfect and yet I’m not? Also, we are all different. Just because someone doesn’t think the way you do on every single aspect of life, doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with them. This is how we grow, through learning from other people’s points of view. Of course there are the basics, what you can live with and what you cannot live with. What I’ve found is that we need to apply the 80-20 rule, because there’s no one who will have 100% of what you’re looking for. And if you do find someone like that, you’re either in the Love Is Blind stage, or they are pretending to be who they’re not.
PS: The 80-20 rule means the person you’re dating has 80% of what you are looking for and 20% of what you would be happy to live without.
So enough with the procrastination, if you love him or her, make a decision and act on it. This is not to say you should rush into marriage, but don’t take too long playing the field.
- Am I Ready For Love? Part 3 – Love Is Not So Blind by @SueBuku (samkitots.wordpress.com)
- Am I ready for love? Part 2 – Love is blind by @SueBuku (samkitots.wordpress.com)
- Am I ready for love? Part 1 – A first date by @SueBuku (samkitots.wordpress.com)
- Relationship deal breakers – the key to getting past them (samkitots.wordpress.com)