There is a saying in the village that “Vijana wanaenda Nairobi lakini masaa yakuoa wanarudi nyumbani” … looking at the Vijana that don’t go back to the village to look for a wife, we see that many marriages are nothing like what the older folk had. So what changed? Why is it that when a man used to come home to have his shoes removed and feet washed, served with a hot meal, and a beverage after that we have now changed to a situation suddenly we are “supporting marriage equality”? The answer is that there are roles that each person in the relationship has that are not being fulfilled. Someone in reference to marriage said “a role in relationship is something that you cannot delegate to someone else to do on your behalf”
masaa yakuoa wanarudi nyumbani
Absence/ Inaction by the Man
Many families may have perfected the art of having the husband away for long periods on work. Absence due to busy work schedules, separation or divorce leaves behind a leadership vacuum. The family (even if it is just the two of you) at all times must experience a sense of leadership. In paraphrase I stated in a previous post “women lack the capacity to love, they however respond to love accorded them” by extension, I would deduce that a home must experience the man’s leadership at all times this gives the family a sense of direction. Other homes have a man who doesn’t take action on tasks/things to do, leading by example and getting things done. A man of inaction causes interference, inaction breeds confusion and lack of focus, causes frustration and lack of trust, faith, the term “Happy Wife, Happy Life”? Well the reverse is true too. Inaction/Absence can breed gender role confusion.
Insecure and Frustrated Woman
Insecurity comes due to feeling of a lack of security, fear of the future, lack of ownership in the marriage, absent, inactive harsh and/or inconsiderate man. Insecurity breads compromise. The insecure woman builds fear and insecurity at home she may even become frustrated. Frustrated wife is like a ship a drift in a storm, or a volcano waiting to blast. Frustration breeds restlessness, anxiety, confusion, pressure in role performance, she may be viewed as nagging by the husband this can lead to instability in the home.
Four simple roles:
- Husbands, love your wives as you love yourselves
- Wives love your husbands as you love yourselves
- Husbands lead by example
- Wives help the husband (achieve the family vision).
- Keeping your relationship in the green (samkitots.wordpress.com)
- So she cheated on you, here’s what you didn’t do (samkitots.wordpress.com)
- Is it your fault that he is cheating on you (again) (samkitots.wordpress.com)