She loves me. I know she does. She loves me. But do I love her back? I do care for her but does that constitute love. There is no Romeo and Juliet take me to the stars and back kinda feeling here. You know, that movie kinda love where you can’t sleep can’t eat. She is my best friend. Is that enough? She is Mrs. Right. I guess.
I blame it on a kind of brainwashing from childhood. As a child I was bombed from left, right and centre with what was displayed as ideal love. From cinderalla, snow white and all those Disney stories. Then came soaps and other tv programmes. The definition of love was already cut out for me. So growing up I expected to fall in love and fall in love hard. No one prepares you for when the “right” one comes and your feelings for them do not mature at an exponential rate.
So begs the question, do you really have to be in love with Mr/Mrs. Right? I think not. With time, my view on relationships has taken a pessimistic turn. Not really pessimistic if you put it correctly. I may have taken more of a realistic approach if I may be so subtle. And so the cookie crumbles and the walls of Jericho come crumbling down.
Anyway, now that we have established you don’t have to be “in love” with the one, what next? A lot of us lose great partners because we expect too much. Before you start complaining that I am too young, remember it is not the size of the dog that matters. I have had my fair share of heartaches and heart breaks in my 23 years of existence. So here is my advice to those who find the right one but put them on friend zone for a lack of replicable feelings.
Friendship. I believe if you find a true friend, you can throw that entire romantic and La something bull crap out of the window. Simply put, a good friend is worth a thousand head over heels can’t eat can’t sleep love thingies. Take that to the bank and cash a loan on it (or so they say). If you find someone you can be yourself with don’t hesitate. And if they love you back, even more than you do them, don’t be a sucker. Claiming that you can only be friends because you don’t share their feelings is being a tad too selfish if you ask me. FYI, love is selfless. It’s not finding somebody who loves you back but finding that person you know is worth loving. (See what I just did there).
Patience. Patience pays and she pays really good. Love is patient. I think the whole I don’t share the same feelings is because we want the end product but don’t want to wait through the process. Sometimes prince charming doesn’t ride in on a horse but comes on foot and with time you will get the horse and ride together into the sunset. No one comes complete, that is the whole essence of a relationship; to complete and build each other.
When you find the one; carry their photo in your wallet, call them every day to see if they are well, text them every minute if you can (without affecting productivity i.e), etc. Love to some extent is a habit and once you pick it it’s really hard to lose. I think it’s about time we stop living in a fantasy built on fables and tales from stories constituted in people’s imaginations. Stop complaining that you are alone and what not.
Finally. She loves me. I know she loves me. And I love her too.
- Blank Pages and Blinking Cursors by @africanplato (samkitots.wordpress.com)