After receiving all the concerns about proposing to the Mr. O, let us all relax, lol, he is too man to let me propose and am too woman to do it.
Today, am in a bit of somber mood, Shola Ama’s song says, Ave been hurt a million times, Ave been left alone with a broken heart but I still believe in love.
When you get a chance to have a cup of tea with me or better yet sip some Merlot, or slowly follow the blog posts I will give you a glimpse of the past of Raata. However this one is about the struggle with myself to stop what comes absolutely naturally to me!
I have kissed my fair share, ok a bit more than fair share of frogs, met and hang out with plenty a prince charming, and the one thing I learnt was how my expectations of them shaped how they treated me. Chief. I met and was broken into so many pieces, I learnt to run, hey am Kenyan. It is a matter of national pride.
This has been very unfortunate especially to Mr. O who loves me but what should have been red flags in other relationships are used by me on him, so he has to work extra hard to prove to me that he is not them. I do not do this consciously, I just protect myself…
Sigh. I know some of us have had our serious heart breaks, I mean earth shattering, ground open and swallow me whole heart breaks, the kind that will kill you. learning to trust again is a huge deal. I only hope that the ones who love us will hold on. Fight for us and not give up. I am happy to help by not running but please hold on… Am learning.
On my maguru, set… Sit still and hope he won’t break the little that is left that I am trying to trust him with, if he breaks it, it is cool I think am going to be okay enough to love again.
Sit still and pray I do not run for safety, my corner where I hide from the big bad world. Sit still and resist this self defeating pattern. I know it is selfish but I care more about his health than my own.
Okay am heading to meet the Mr. O
- I can propose to him right? by @SunnyLikeNjeri (samkitots.wordpress.com)