This article on Pastor_Wa‘s blog, a little old, is still quite relevant. Take a moment.
So I was reading that Linda Muthama proudly calls herself Nyambane’s second wife. He is managing more than just her ‘music affairs’ as well. Has a baby by him and the usual blah blah… By the way, all this has happened a while back and of course as usual, it was fodder for the blogs and media. Worst of all, there were chics telling Linda to do what she wants, it’s her life.
Now, I don’t know whether to just rant or try and put this entire mountain of a relationship stink-hog in perspective. Because something stinks. And it stinks to high heaven. Someone ought to call it what it is; Relationship bull. When a single young woman of notable influence in this country, goes ahead and becomes a second wife to a man of equal media exposure and women go ahead and cheer her on, something is wrong! Terribly wrong!
You see the truth of the matter is; you single young thing, building a man, a marriage and a family is work. Loads of it. By the time you see a ‘made’ man, some of you need to be schooled on what investment has gone into the making of the man. And by the way, the making is not a procedure by machine. It’s normally by another woman, popularly referred to as the ‘wife’. You see, no man comes made. It mostly takes a woman to do the dirty work. She believes in him when no one else does. She helps him get started, encourages him, cooks his meals, irons his shirts, bears and raises his babies, talks to him when he’s down, makes love to him, faithfully waits for him when he comes home late at night, helps him know how to dress up, get his manners up, teaches him how to love a woman, builds a home with him painfully and painstakingly.
“the truth of the matter is; building a man, a marriage and a family is work”
By the time people and your kind are starting to take note, there’s a nameless faceless woman somewhere that has literally laid down her life to help him become who he is now. He has money, drives a car, owns or is in the process of owning a home, looks good, dresses the part. How can you not ‘like’ him? He is charming, I mean, come-on, who can resist this man? Who? He’s been in training for years! And then he shows some degree of interest in you? Well honey, what you fail to realize is, it’s taken his wife 10 years or so teaching him how to talk and listen to a woman, how to be a husband and a father, and now it’s all easy to see how great he is. Problem is, he didn’t start that way. He started out broke, single, mostly skinny, unsure of himself, needing affirmation, a dreamer with no money or connections, a simple hustler, and this woman believed in him when nobody else did.
So how do you get yourself to a point of taking ‘over’ his life from that point on when you couldn’t afford him a second glance when he was a hustler? Why not look for your own hustler to believe in and build up? That is not only a travesty to the relationship, but an insult to another person that has poured their life and strength to build something beautiful. It really takes quite a bit by the time a man gets to that level. So I have a piece of advice for ya’ll single girls out there feeling the hots for a married man, get your own man! That’s right. Get your own, because contrary to the popular opinion that all good men are married, I say all good men are simply undiscovered.
“That’s right. Get your own”
It takes a smart woman to see potential in a man, and work with that potential till he is fully what he should be. Most girls are looking for a made man, but the reality is, that man is only found among married men. Many single men are not looking for much, just a chic that will believe in them and encourage them. You see, as a chic, you have to be wiling to get down and dirty (Yes ma’am. And I’m not talking sex here) with your man while you are building a life together. Shop at Marikiti, ride mats, live in a flat in Eastlands, and spend time helping him build a dream most girls wouldn’t give a second look. Why? Because that’s what the brother needs. You consistently invest and work together to build something. In the process, the money will come. The looks will change, class will come, probably even fame and fortune. Ten years down the line. You will look at him and marvel at how far ya’ll have come. He will be the envy of the hormone charged 22 year olds who have no idea what it has taken to get where he is.
The reason I seriously disagree with Linda is not because I’m hating on her. God knows that. I pray they both come to their senses. Oh, and I’m not excusing the guy for allowing that to happen. Not one bit. Nor am I claiming to be in the scoop of the whole deal, so spare me the hate mail. I’m pointing at the travesty that is infidelity from what it does to a family. I’m pointing out a trend among some ladies, and saying; it ain’t right. Again she bragged about it, and there were women bold enough to support her. That is never the way to approach another person’s family. Never. Nyamb’s wife was with him when he was a nobody. When he was hustling to make it. When his talents were not appreciated. When all we thought of him was a shady clown trying to make us laugh. She bore him babies and raised them. Oh, and don’t even go there! The work it takes to raise kids? Waking and staying up all night, fevers, throwing up, school work, cooking, cleaning, relatives, moving house…..What?
So before you start swooning about a married man being a sweetheart, think. Think hard. Think about the woman that has given her life for this dude to be able to captivate you. Think about the kids. Think about yourself! Think enough to realize, you can have exactly what she has. You can start believing in a guy, working with him. Building a house and a home, a business and a career, from the ground up. And soon enough (However long) He will be exactly what you want. Some of you single chics need to talk to their own mommas. Some of you wouldn’t be where you are if they never helped your fathers build a home and a family. Even when the men treated them wrong, and I’m not at all excusing men for behaving badly. I’m just saying, for the work it takes to build a man and a marriage significantly, the key is found in believing in a guy when he is starting on his own.
“You can start believing in a guy, and soon enough, he will be exactly what you want”
It’s seeing his potential. It’s helping him become the man he can be. It’s you giving yourself into the journey of life. Teach him his manners, How to listen, How to treat a woman, How to raise kids, save money, build a business, stay encouraged. If you commit to that, then you won’t have to start drooling over another woman’s man. He is taken! I don’t care if he is making advances. You simply don’t go there. You get your own man. Help him become ‘made’ and build a home a family to enjoy.
So, if you are considering a married dude, I will say this, GET YOUR OWN MAN!
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