this is more like templates part three… i must admit like the anonymous author did once… “if the world didnt suck, we’d all fall off”

im going to step on a few toes with this one but hey its life right? As Russel Peters would say “whatever makes you happy”.

the other day i switched on the telly with the intention of watching sports news, according to my phone it was 18.30hrs but to my sheer dissapointment, not according to our local station.
there was this deep sense of deflation inside me, i was imagining all those husbands, and brothers accross the counrty who were thinking just like me,

“its 18.30hrs, time to watch sports news, arr!!”

there was this talk show on that all men do not and i repeat kenyan (K) men do NOT watch, Tyra. i fliped the channel to see if i could find something else to keep my eyes busy, but there wasnt much. i left the Tyra on to cry with her guest in the studio along with all other audience members (although i think that they are hired actors and actresses that respond to the “applause”, “cheer”, and “cry now” plackards that are held up by the stage managers) i turned down the volume and switched on the radio.

this thought came into my mind… “why doesnt Tyra capture an expansive audience?” (in Kenya @least) then it hit me…. there has been no K on Tyra or Oprah, or Jerry Springer, and neither on Divorce Court or any of these other talk shows and reality shows with a host (H). People call this hating but i say, sports news hadnt started yet what do you expect me to do? watch people with issues bring bile against their fathers, husbands, uncles and boyfriends to National TV?? (notice the victims are men)

sit back and indulge this thought for abit, what is the difference between a K telling their story and any other person (NK)? what is it about Ks that wants us to support each other every time there is a story to tell? i concluded that it is the templates that we put in our stories and the little things that we do and seasoning to taste that as Ks we appreciate in the story telling process (not that the victims are men). this amused me as i flirted with the thought of having a K on any of these shows to tell their story.


H: so what did he do to you?
NK: he (sniff) abused me

H: so what did he do to you?
K: wah! hé heeee, now eh, let me tell you, that jamaa, you see him? he is not a nice guy. you know what he did? manzee am telling you he has bad tabias (habits). me i cant ongelesha (have anything to do with) him ever again! imagine!

whether it is a guy or a gal telling the story you are part of it and there are parts that have more emphasis than others.

the process

in most cases one needs to realise the importance of what they are saying. Ks are the most animate story tellers i know. we will use both our voices and our bodies to tell the story hand. lets look at the example given above, in as much as our example K has not answered the question asked, i say, the emotions and the actions that go with the paragraph of text are intense.

hook: “wah! hé heeee” – in many cases there will be an accompanying clap. here the K has your full attention and you’re hooked

rope: “now eh, let me tell you” – most Ks love having you listen to them with your eyes i.e. your attention matters, the rope is accompanied by a tap on the arm, thigh or the shoulder to ensure that your 120% attention is on them, thus your inability to mutitask as the K talks

“that jamaa, you see him?” – now that you have looked at them, a question will be asked to be sure that you have all your resources focused on the story. this question requires a positive response for the story to continue, Ks dont like having their stories wasted, until you know the topic, you will be in a gruelling, grilling session which if it doesnt work, you get a brief summary descriptoin. if this doesnt work, you’re slow…

introduction: “he is not a nice guy. you know what he did?” – this is the part we enjoy most as Ks, since a +ve response has been given for the topic, we tend to promote our talent by introducing the story with you (the listener). For example typical K respone to the question would be … “no, tell me what he fanyad”

“manzee am telling you he has bad tabias” – transition to this phase is too smooth to notice but in most cases the story is so sweet that there is another tap or if seated, the K stands, if standing, the K will take 2 or3 steps away and emphasise on the content of the story by coming back and saying something like “manZEE am tELLINg you he has BAd tabias”.

dramatic closing:
“me i cant ongelesha him ever again! imagine!” – by this point youre soo into the story that you dont realise that its over! youve been responding to all the questions, basically taking part in the whole story. this dramatic close, is very fulfilling of the K coz you’re left hanging.

funny thing is;
most of the energy is spent in the forst three steps. content is usually a sentence or two, nothing really to wtite home about but the art of the story telling is what makes the difference

when a K is telling another K a story, instead sereis of questions, incomplete sentences are tossed in every now and then for the 2nd K to copmlete.
K1: so we went sindio?
K2: yah
K1: to kina bo?
K2 : kina bobo’s
K1: so sii bobo calls?
K2: eh
K1: me i tell her am kuja-?
K2: kujaing
K1: manzee we fikad like this…
K2: ehe
K1: gueass who funguas
K2: i dont know
K1: gues tuu

animate stories, thats what we as Ks are partly about…

till another pop of inspiration comes…

Uncle X!


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